Numb
by PhoenixxFlame
Summary: What happened if Lucy's Cordial didn't work on the Battle of Beruna, How will Peter cope? au-verse!


**Hey, **

**It's PhoenixxFlame. This is the first Narnian fic I have posted onto this site so I hope you enjoy it.**

**Review and let me know what you think.**

Peter felt numb. All the life, the renewed hope had suddenly been ripped out of him, leaving just an empty shell of himself on the battlefield of Beruna. No matter how much he tried, Peter couldn't tear his gaze away from the still form of his brother.

He couldn't stop staring as blood ran from his body, staining the grass below crimson red. He couldn't stop staring as the wind gently caressed his hair, brushing it out of his closed eyes as though giving its own farewell to its promised king. He couldn't stop staring at his chest, waiting for any sign of movement to show that the life had not yet left his younger brother.

But it wasn't to be. Edmund, who upon his rescue from the White Witch worked so hard to redeem himself for his betrayal, who many Narnians had grown to love since his arrival, a friend, a _brother_, was dead.

Peter watched as Lucy sat at Edmund's side, staring down at the bottle of cordial in her hands. Her eyes wide and entire body shaking as she questioned over and over again in her head to why it didn't work.

He watched as Susan knelt by her fallen brother, tears flowing freely as she gently caressed his cheek, quietly whispering comforting words to his silent form even though he would not hear them.

Peter reached out for his sisters, wanting to draw them to him, to protect them, to let them know that they were all there for each other. But he recoiled, unable to approach, frozen on the spot.

"Why didn't it work?" Lucy questioned quietly, keeping her gaze on the small bottle in her hands. "It _always_ works."

There was no reply. Susan was still knelt beside Edmund, whispering to him as though she hadn't heard Lucy speak.

"Peter, why didn't it work?" Her gaze was on him now and Peter found himself taking a small step back. The pain in Lucy's eyes almost broke him completely. She was desperate for her eldest brother to tell her everything was going to be ok, that there was a happy ending, that Edmund wasn't dead, that he would wake up.

"I-I…" He started but stopped as Susan raised her head from her whispering and turned to look at him, waiting and ready to cling onto any answer he could give. Logical Susan, smart Susan who always had an answer was waiting for her older brother to provide an explanation he just couldn't give.

Peter felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him, he wanted to collapse.

"I don't know." He said breathlessly, shaking his head. "I just don't know."

There was a small cry and the next thing he knew, small arms had grabbed onto his armour pulling him into a desperate hug. Peter dropped the sword in his hands and slowly wrapped them around the sobbing Lucy. Susan lowered her gaze from Peter's in what he could only guess was disappointment and turned back to Edmund, whispering to him once.

Peter could feel his heart continue to rip into smaller pieces.

"Oh Dear Ones." A low baritone voice full of sorrow rumbled from their right. Susan and Lucy raced over to the large lion and clung to His mane like a lifeline.

"Aslan!" Lucy called as both girls sobbed uncontrollably.

Peter slowly raised his gaze from Edmund and brought it over to his sisters. Aslan had brought along with him most of the remaining Narnian army, all looking along sorrowfully at the boy they considered their king.

"Aslan." Peter gave a short bow in greeting and the great lion bowed his head in return.

"Edmund's-" He stopped short. Aslan nodded in understanding, allowing Peter to stand back and take a deep breath. But instead of grieving he turned to his general,

"Orieus." The centaur stepped forward and stood before him, giving a small bow in respect.

"I want you to take a small group of soldiers and find all the fallen Narnians, they deserve a proper burial for their sacrifice."

Without a word Orieus bowed and was gone, a group of twenty or so volunteers following him out to the battlefield without having to be asked. Peter stood quietly as he watched them leave before turning and looked to Aslan, he saw Him give a sad smile of approval. It was all Peter needed to keep going.

Taking a deep breath, Peter then turned and walked up to where his brother lay, kneeling down to touch his cheek. It was cold, but it looked as though he were only sleeping. Gaining the courage needed, Peter gently picked up Edmund and walked slowly over to where Aslan and his sisters stood.

Keeping his head high he spoke,

"Thank you for all you have done for us."

The Great Lion had no words in answer to Peter, instead lowered his head in sadness.

Susan had since released herself from Aslan's mane, but still quietly cried as she watched Edmund being cradled in his arms. Lucy had looked up when hearing Peter speak, but pressed herself deep against Aslan when seeing Edmund's still body, her crying intensified.

"Will the prophecy still work, now that Edmund's…" Peter questioned.

"Yes." Aslan's voice rumbled softly. "Now that the White Witch is dead."

Peter nodded. After one last look to his sisters, Peter walked forward with his brother. The crowd of Narnians parted as he approached and all knelt as he passed by slowly. Susan and Lucy soon followed, with Alsan walking along beside them all the way to Cair Paravel.

* * *

The next few days were filled with grief and mourning. The coronation had been postponed until respect had been given to all those who had passed.

Graves had been dug and filled with all of Narnia's fallen soldiers on the first days. Speeches were made by both Peter and Aslan and heartfelt words were spoken. The remaining Pevensies had gone to each family in turn and given their condolences, no matter how long it took.

Lucy and Susan had held up well, only shedding a tear when in private, but for Peter he still felt nothing. He had not felt angry, sad or pained. He felt calm and collected, continuing as a true king should for his kingdom, unable to mourn as there was too much to do.

Then came the day for Edmund's funeral. Peter had gone to see him before. The Narnians in charge of preparing him had done a good job. The blood stained clothes had been discarded for a dark blue satin tunic with silver stitching and black leather leggings, his hair had been combed neatly and makeup had been added to his cheeks to give him more colour. To Peter it looked as though he was merely sleeping.

Lucy had come in after and stood by Peter, holding his hand as they watched. They did not exchange any words, but they were one in the same, mourning the loss of their beloved brother, they had no need for words.

Footsteps were heard coming towards them as they stood, lost in their own thoughts and were soon brought out of them Susan appeared in the doorway,

"Everything is-" Susan gasped suddenly as she laid eyes on Edmund for the first time and then walked silently over to him, taking in every part of his still form. She gave a sad smile,

"It looks as though he's sleeping." She said softly. Lucy gave a small giggle,

"Like he's just about to wake up." Peter nodded and smiled slightly at how they just voiced his own thoughts and watched as Susan stepped back from Edmund wondered over to them, giving them each a hug before standing back slightly.

"Everything is ready. It's time to go."

* * *

The skies were a dark grey as everyone stood around Edmund's grave. It was a beautiful place within Cair Paravel, a lone garden with a willow tree at its centre. The Dryad living within the willow tree had been honoured to have her garden used for the burial, and so had allowed a space in front of the tree to be dug out, and a large elegant tombstone to be placed at the head of the grave.

Only close friends and family of Edmund's had come to the funeral, the whole of Narnia paid their respects earlier that day. And so now would be the private burying of the promised king. Orieus, Phillip, and Thumnus were present.

Aslan stepped forward.

"Edmund Pevensie was a brave young soul, who had given everything to protect those who he loved. Although his path may not have always been the right one, when the time came, he fought for all he believed in."

Lucy held tightly onto Susan's hand as Aslan spoke, she clung hard, but was no longer crying.

"For his bravery, Edmund will be welcomed into my kingdom. But he shall not enter there as a child, but as a king."

Peter watched as Tumnus walked slowly passed Susan and Lucy and stopped in front of him, holding out in front of him a small silver crown placed on top a green velvet pillow.

Peter stared at the crown, Edmund's crown, for ages, not able to make any movement. He looked over to Aslan with wide eyes, who gave a small nod in conformation and then over to Susan, who gave a sad smile as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

He stared back down to the crown in front of him, understanding that he was to place the crown into the grave with Edmund.

Slowly grasping the edges of the crown and lifting it gently into the air, Peter knelt beside the grave of his brother. As gently as he could, he placed the crown of Narnia's king on top of coffin and backed away, eyes never leaving the silver metal.

"Here lies King Edmund the Just, Duke of Lantern Waste, Count of the Western March and Knight of the Noble Order of the Table. Although he has passed from this life, he awaits for his family in my Kingdom.

Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen of Narnia."

Aslan spoke the last lines quietly, almost as a promise solely for Edmund. No one spoke, they stood in the silence of the quiet garden and sent their own individual prayers off to the King.

Then, with a silent nod from Aslan, two fawns approached and began to fill the grave.

It was a horrible sound, the dull thud of dirt hitting the top of the wooden coffin. Each clump of dirt added to the grave pushed Peter further away from his younger brother. He felt something warm gently clasp his hand, looking down he saw it was Lucy, tears flowing down her rosy cheeks with her other hand clutching Susan's.

They stood like that, until the grave was filled. The remaining Pevensies standing together to mourn the loss of their brother. Nothing else mattered at this moment, all they knew for certain was that their family would never be complete, not until they joined Edmund in Aslan's Kingdom.

Staring back down to the grave, Peter wondered why he was not as emotional as his sisters. He wanted to say that it was because he had to be strong for everyone, that he had to be the rock, but deep down he knew it wasn't true.

In the end Peter had decided that it was because he didn't know _how _to mourn. The thought of losing his brother was so wrong, so unbelievable, that he didn't know how to cope with it. So instead he remained in a state of shock, numb to everything that had happened, carrying on the only way he knew how.

Lucy's hand slowly released itself from Peter's grip. Looking up from the grave, he noticed that he was the only one remaining. Susan watched him from within the stone corridor while Lucy moved to join her, enveloping her into a hug when she arrived.

Susan gave him a small smile, slowly moving Lucy down the corridor, allowing Peter to have a moment to himself.

Peter turned once again to the grave that bared his brother's name. He ran his hand along the top of the stone, letting his thoughts wonder.

"You are so stupid." He whispered, head fallen down to his chest. "I told you to run. To get the girls and go."

He paused, taking a deep breath.

"Why did you stay? Why couldn't you have done what I ask?" He looked at the grave, waiting for an answer that he knew wouldn't come.

"I did it to protect you…" Another shaky breath,

"That's all I wanted…to keep you safe. That's all."

Rain began to fall from the sky. Falling into his hair, dampening his clothes, seeping to his skin.

"To protect you." He whispered.

"I promised Mum…" He raised his head to look at the tombstone, eyes widening as he remembered. "Oh God…I promised Mum!" the pain in his chest rose.

"I promised Mum I'd keep you all safe…" He told Edmund. "I failed her. I _failed_ her, and I failed you…" Tears began to flow down his cheeks, mingling with the rain.

"I-It's all my fault." He looked at the grave in horror, "It's my fault. If-if I were more forceful, I could have gotten you home before the war even began! I-I could have stopped you from fighting, stopped you from going against the White Witch, stopped her from-"

Peter gulped wide eyed,

"Oh God, It's my fault you died!"

The realisation hit him so hard he fell to the ground, his clothes being muddied by the freshly moved dirt. Everything was released from Peter at that moment. All the emotion, anger, sadness, pain were coming out in one go, and it was tearing him apart.

"Edmund" He reached out and touched the grave.

"I'm sorry," He whispered, "I'm sorry, Oh Aslan I'm so sorry!" He cried, gripping his hair tightly. "It's my fault, I should have been there and I wasn't. Edmund I'm so sorry!"

Peter laid there and wept. At this point he wasn't a King, he wasn't a leader or rock to support others. Here, he was just a boy who had suffered a tremendous loss. He felt broken inside, and all he could do was weep.

He sat there for what seemed like an age, unable to move away from his brother. His guilt was eating away at him, and he knew there was nothing he could do to change things.

"Please forgive me." He pleaded silently, hoping Edmund could hear every word.

"Forgive you for what?"

Peters head shot up. That voice, he knew that voice. It was the one voice he thought he was never going to be able to hear again.

"Ed?"

"It's me Peter."

Peter stood slowly and walked towards the figure in front of him. Edmund was stood to the side of the grave, dressed in a silver tunic and leggings, his crown sitting proudly atop his head. The sky was still a dull grey, but he seemed to glow, emitting his own light.

"Ed?" Peter called again, reaching out with his fingers and gently touching his brother's lips, then cheek, then eyes. "Is it really you?"

Edmund gave a sad smile, "It's me." He said gently. Peter reached out and pulled his brother into a bone crushing hug, shaking as he began to cry once more.

"I'm so sorry Ed." He croaked out between sobs. Edmund soothingly rubbed his brother's back as he clung to him.

"For what?" There was no answer, "Peter I can't forgive you if you won't tell me what you've done!" Edmund said lightly, almost joking.

Peter pulled back slowly from their embrace, looking him in the eye.

"I let you die."

Edmund looked shocked,

"What? How on Earth did you come up with that idea?"

"I-I wasn't fast enough. If I got to you quicker or kept you out of the battle to begin with, then I could have stopped the White witch from killing you!"

Edmund's expression turned serious.

"Peter, there was nothing you could have done to stop what had happened. It was my choice to go against the White Witch, not yours."

"But I could have-"

"-No Peter." Edmund stated firmly. "_My _choice. I knew what was at stake from the very beginning, same as you."

"But Ed-"

"-I _wanted _to do this Peter. For once, I wanted to be the one to protect _you_."

Protect him? But that wasn't Edmund's job, it was Peter's role to protect everyone.

"I'm happy. My family and all of Narnia is safe." Edmund finished, giving Peter a wide smile. "Don't blame yourself, not everything in this world is about you." He added cheekily.

Peter sat dumb struck as Edmund's words sunk in before pulling him in for another hug.

"I miss you so much." He mumbled into his brother's shirt.

"I know." Edmund replied sadly, "But it won't be forever." Edmund pulled himself out of Peter's embrace and stood back. "It's time for me to go."

Peter looked heartbroken once again, but he knew there was nothing he could do to stop Edmund from leaving, so instead he put on the bravest face he could muster. Edmund studied him for a moment before smiling,

"You'll make for a most magnificent king." He said while placing a hand on his tombstone. Peter bowed to his brother and then stood.

"I love you Edmund." Peter called, one last tear rolling down his cheek.

"I love you too." He replied.

Then there was a blinding golden light, so bright Peter had to look away. And when the light had faded, Edmund was nowhere in sight.

Peter took a deep breath and turned from his brother's grave. When he looked towards the corridor, Aslan stood staring back at him, a serene look on his face. Without any words Peter nodded to the Great Lion and He nodded back.

Peter watched as Aslan turned and disappeared down the corridor, before walking down it himself. He knew, as he watched the sun break through the darkened clouds and catch up with Lucy and Susan, that from this point on, everything was going to be ok.

**Thank you for reading**


End file.
